The Before

Reminder: You don’t need a breakdown to be brought up!

I’ve been guilty of waiting to reach out to people until a tragedy strikes or they break or they ghost the world and I have to send my soul as a search crew to find them. And I’ve been neglected quite too often because…well…”I’m the strong one “. But that’s not what I want to talk about today. Today I want to talk about HOW to help BEFORE those moments happen.

I have lived in moments where I am screaming inside while dancing at a birthday party. I have had the darkest ideas all while being on vacation. I have felt unloved while holding hands.

I’ve had people ask if I was ok and respond “sure” knowing all too well I was depressed. I have ignored calls, I have pushed people away, and I have just flat out lied. So the question is how do you help someone who at times seem unreachable?

First I try to contact that person how they prefer to engage. I have a friend who no matter the magnitude of the situation will never leave a voicemail lol. She wants verbal communication. I know I HAVE to get her on the phone. My husband prefers a quiet house before engaging in serious convo so bedtalk usually works best for us. Then my friends that love social media I know sending then a few good GIFs and a quote will jumpstart a convo.

Then I ask, “are you happy today”. I find that question throws people a bit. It makes them pause. And usually be honest. It opens folks up. BUT if you are going to do this prepare to be THERE for the response. Prepare to hold their hand. Don’t ask just to know. Ask to heal.

Then….I just listen.


And listen some more.

I try and listen for the “because” not the reactions. You are crying because? You are thinking of leaving because? You are quitting because?

Then give them what is needed for THEM not what YOU think they SHOULD have. Most people know what they should do. They just need an ear. And the fact is YOU CANT CONTROL their next step anyway so just remind them of WHO they are and let them decide.

Then……love them.


Like you would your child.



Always with love,


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