And that’s ok

Exhausted.

Just straight tired and unsure of a lot right now.

I’m sure I’m not alone. Today I have felt quite defeated. Frozen. It’s taken me half an hour to open a chart at work.

Fatigued.

I had to wake Journey up 4x today. I would literally move her from room to room in a sleep state. Getting her dressed. Doing her hair. I legit sat her on the toilet and held her while she peed. I understood. So I held her until she was able to release the clutches of weary.

She is exhausted. Her little body went through a lot last week. I envied that she had someone to hold her through the phases. Literally and figuratively.

My body has gone through quite a bit as well with this endometriosis diagnois chained to me.

Today I’m angry about it. Most days I ignore it. But today I’m mad.

I’m playing my deck. Often humbly, stoically, and with gratitude. But today, I’m asking why. Today I’m a bit scared. Today I’m kind of void.

Today I’m grateful for my ability to still write through the emotions of it all. I’m grateful for this blog community that even on their low days send me a word. Your words lift me. I’m grateful for a job that I can shut the door when needed. Today I’m grateful for my little miracle babies. They have brought me so much peace these past few days. Today I’m grateful for life.

But, I’m still mad.

And that’s ok.

To my SWTVU community that is mad today. I love you. To those that have lost loved ones recently I love you. To those that only have this space to feel connection I honor you, love you, and I see you.

Let the anger fuel you until it can exhaust to peace.

Always with love,

Modo